MY Naive Journey back from Cancer!



It was approximately summer of 1999. I was just pulling myself together after an unimaginable family devastation. My life was just rebuilding. I lived in a beautiful farm-house in the UK surrounded by 40 hectors of land. I ran a successful full-time business, had a farm to run, animals to tend and had 11 children and a daughter named Sarah who I shared with her other Mum. I was fully and financially responsible for all my children, with exception of Sarah. Now 12 children may sound crazy but this story continues later when 6 more additional children joined the family fold. I had 4 biological children. I also in between having my own children I had adopted and took full legal guardianship of the other 7 wonderful souls.

I only had 4 children living at home at the time, others were now making their way in their various jobs or University. Life on the outside looked fine, big house, lots of land, successful business, children privately educated, 2 dogs, 2 cats, 2 hamsters, 3 horses, 3 pigs, cows, a vegetable garden, privacy, a family home being built in Cyprus. Regular holidays abroad. We looked better than the Walton’s or the Brady bunch from the outside looking in!  Can you imagine the reality as a single parent what life was really like?.  I now know, that back then. I ran on autopilot.  My beautiful, blonde curly-haired, big blue-eyed girl daughter was going through the usual teenage years and giving me hell. I simply was not coping with this too well. I did not want her to grow up. I had gone through the terrible teenage years many times previously with older daughters so I was accustomed to teenage rage, temporary hatred of me and the boundaries in place at that time. This time seemed different, it started younger. I guess that what having older siblings does this. It is now all water off a duck’s back, she grew up into a wonderful caring lady that I am always proud of and adore. She is my friend, my inspiration, my student and my teacher now.

The scene of my life and the chaos is painted! I had been going to see my GP/DR/MD whom was well past retirement and  pensionable age. There was no appointment service in this tiny village where we resided just outside; this was a clicky village where outsiders were not made to feel to welcome. This including me! People were all born there and they died there. There were people who lived in the village that had never ventured more than 10km from their home. Yes go figure that one! I had sat patiently 4 times in the GP/Dr’s waiting room, each time waiting 4 hours as a minimum. When it was eventually my turn, the Dr would make me a cup of tea and discuss life in the village and he would chat for about 20 minutes. I had to interrupt and informed him each time about the lump that has set up home in my breast. These visits were over a 2 year period. Each time he would inform me not to worry. He claimed it was caused by my epilepsy stating firmly, it was fatty tissue caused by me thrashing around during seizures. However, I had not had a seizure for many years, 14 years to be precise! He refused to give me a referral to a specialist or further testing. He actually stated that I was bordering on being a hypochondriac,  thus the lump continued to grow. It is worth noting that I was not chemically medicated for my seizures because when I had tried medication in the past, I felt I was not competent. I suffered side effects such as nauseous and had headaches to name a few. I therefore I stopped taking the harmaceutical meds. I take cannabis oil which has always stopped seizures .

I was most unhappy to have the lump taking up residence in my breast. It grew firmer and changed shape with a clear nodule on the end. My breast seemed somehow  more rounded than my breast previously.  After having 4 children which I had breastfed for longer than the recommended period, with exception of my last beautiful daughter. I was all droops and dangles! It was hard to tell where my boobies ended and my belly began! I decided to telephone a friend of mine named Judy who was a cosmetic surgeon. I just wanted the lump out of my body. Judy agreed to see me later that same day. My two youngest children were 1 and 2 years old at this time. I bundled them into the car.  I had replaced my grey, totally unflattering bra that was once white but now frayed and grey for my “special” bra which I had been saving for any future hot dates (chance would have been a fine thing, time another). I headed for the Nuffield hospital. Judy my surgeon friend examined my breast and explained that I must have a mammogram first. She was friends as well as close work colleagues with the lady working in the department. I was ushered straight down for my first and last mammogram ever.

My two babies screamed like banshees in the waiting room while the secretary looked very pale but smiled sweetly through gritted teeth. .

OMG if you have ever suffered having a mammogram you will relate to this!  Shoot, I thought this dinosaur of a machine had squashed by breast like a ripe tomato. I even thought that any lump would have squeezed through my nipple and popped out. It felt like I was in a horror movie. The pain!. As if that was not bad enough, my other breast had to go through the same torture. After this and now breasts that resembled nothing short of holding up a pair of worn socks. I was sent back to see my friend Judy. I waited 40 minutes before she returned. She was not looking so great now! Judy did have to pass my squealing children on the way through to her office.  Therefore the look on her face did not give me cause for concern.   Judy took my hand and explained my breasts needed removing! Well I had a mirror and knew that they had lost their shape. I believed she was referring to a boob job! She then explained that both breasts had cancer and it was very advanced in one side! There must have been a mistake.  I had been reporting the lump over a 2 year period!  I did not feel sick or unwell and surely I would have known if it were cancer! I had been feeling lethargic but with my lifestyle surely that was normal. Long and short of it. Two biopsies were required for “clarification”. I was very naive, indoctrinated and trusting of white coats. I was unaware that puncturing holes in a tumor would make the cancer metastasize throughout my body.

My cancer diagnosis was now established! I very soon had a double mastectomy. I had the UK’s supposedly best Oncologist, Mxxxxx Gxxx on my team. I was informed that they were confident that the cancer would be eradicated.  I could have replacement breasts in several months time. I was filled with confidence that Life could continue.

Cancer gone and no breasts. I did have some saggy skin which one day would be filled with voluptuous perky fun bags.  At this point, I could not help but think that I was going to my next life in installments. First the two socks otherwise  referred to as breasts! This was just the beginning, chemo  came next!

Finally life started to get brighter after the sickness and poisoning of chemo which I now know is mustard gas, I no longer looked like me. I no longer felt like me. I was screaming on the inside from the torture.  One infection after the other  followed.  Further surgery for my new breasts. I had two new breasts, my new toys; they sat up like rockets and a lovely pair of fun bags if I may say so myself. Not quite worth going through all of this! I have to see positives as well as finding humor in everything.  These were positively better than the ones I had previously! Next came my results from more invasive testing, prodding, stabbing and probing. The cancer had spread to  my  ovaries and cervix. Dignity gone, having legs parted and huge lamp burning my feminine parts. Students gathered round to take in the full view of what were once my private parts! Not so private now!. I knew there had been no action down there in quite some time, but not even in my wildest fantasies did I imagine this coming! Not so private parts after all! Believe me, no pleasure either!

With the busy lifestyle I had no time to think.  I did not need a useless play nursery inside my body any longer so the next installment to the next life was one ovary and my cervix. I had little to no support network at that time. Having such a busy life was not attracting friends that I would never have time for as many had tried before. The children were my life.  I therefore discharged myself 6 hours following surgery in order to collect my older children from school.  I had no choice but to continue with life without any rest. The hospital food was not worth staying for and I felt the stale air was suffocating me! I coped, well you have too! Again more chemo and radiotherapy.

Next installment was my quality of life which soon deteriorated fast! Now my oncologist was sure he had dealt with the cancer.

I had lost my hair and was now looking like an alien! On the plus side, no waxing! Every hair on my body was gone. I felt the chill cold of the English weather. Weighing in at 44kg. We celebrated the end of my cancer. However within just a couple of months I was pooping blood! The long and short of it was that a  colostomy was offered, (but I was still a young woman and was not sure if dancing around a colostomy/poop bag was the designer look on the dance floor) was appropriate for me.  Not to mention me sitting on a beach one day sipping a cocktail, whilst wearing  a sexy little twin set with a poop bag as an accessory  was the look I desired. I was also ill-informed as to  what temperatures the colostomy/ poop bag would take before exploding in the sun. So the poop/colostomy bag was declined with gratitude. Through my contacts I found a surgeon that was willing to experiment on me using a pig colon! My colon was the next installment to the next life.

New Pig colon in place, farting was like an orchestra but with no poop bag, yes all was good again!

Nobody to complain about my snoring!  As you know a lady does not snore! I informed the children that my snoring was due to the  pig colon! Summery: two breasts, one cervix, 2 ovaries, one colon, hair, all dignity, quality of life all taken away and sent to the next life in installments. It is worth mentioning that I didn’t want the breasts back! Within months I was 31kg, unable to walk with no energy. I resembled someone whom having spent time in a concentration camp and just released! Only to be told I had just a couple of months left!. OMG! I was asked to buy the book before I say goodbye or similar!

My oncologist or the medical association was unable to offer anything more!!!!!! I was told that they would give me morphine to keep me pain-free until I pass away.  After all the shit they had put my body through, stealing the quality of life that i had left. Telling my family was the hardest thing I have ever done. This was more painful  than anything I had endured. As I write, tears run down my face as I recall this day. It can be very  difficult and emotional to return to those dark days. I planned my Fun Er All.  I was not going for a sad departure in the form of a funeral, my life before the big C was a full and a happy one, worth celebrating! So party, Fun Er All of my leaving planned! I went for cremation. I decided that I would have one last chance at a smoking body.

I concocted potions researched on the internet after every spare moment spent researching! I changed my diet, cooked all good foods, drank horrid teas, nasty food and juices. I drank sodium chlorite, this was before Jim Humble found it for cancer! I ate bitter apricot kernels and a whole array of other nasty stuff! My children fed me like a little bird.  I did not believe in these concoctions but it was now about the living and they had seemed to work for some!

No more hospitals for me, not that I could have made the journey! After 3 months I stood up and walked, I had started to gain weight and feel an ounce of energy. Months passed and I was able to start living life in some form!. 2 years later and 52kg I felt wonderful.

I soon began a new chapter in my life with a wonderful relationship with my ex husband. He came with a further 5 children.  4 of the children very young, the youngest being 4 years old! I had to watch the children being torn apart because of the hatred between their parents. The children were being used as pawns. I hoped to be their sanity. My family had grown in size and he was a wonderful support. He became a good Father.    Doug and I decided to leave the UK and head for the mountains in Bulgaria for a new start in life. With our 6 children in tow. Just as we were about to leave our water pipes were being replaced! The water I had been drinking before meeting my husband was being fed through asbestos piping! Could this have assisted my cancer?, it is plausible,  I was the only foreigner living in this tiny village for years, everyone else was born there! Their bodies had adapted to the asbestos mine was clean! I did not challenge this as I was moving to pastures new and the pipes  were being replaced!.

Bulgaria and our new happy life: I studied the human body, botany, nutrition,  coronary and cancer but prayed for more time to study, I prayed that I might lay in bed and study more! My wish was granted as I suffered a horrific accident on a zip wire. I broke my feet, legs, spine, and had serious damage to my neck. I hit a rock at 120km an hour! Just in case you are wondering, the rock suffered no damage. Video link

I was placed in traction at home and remember very little for 6 months. I had a close family member whom was a neurosurgeon that came to my aid and help care for me. The pain I was suffering was just too much to bear. Being told I would never walk again made me consider taking my own life. There were dark days. I wished for time in bed and got it! Morel of this story is be careful what you wish for!.

I remember the accident, my children were watching and I just knew I was going to die. I spun in-order that  my face  be recognized by my children whom were onlookers. I just knew I was about to die.

I suddenly remembered the baby that had fallen from a 10 floor building and did not break one bone. I relaxed just before hitting the rock, this saved my life!. This event was filmed and can be seen on the following link, please understand that this video clip is the original footage and is now my interview for stunt woman, I await a telephone call from James Bond at any moment!

My family member removed my morphine and replaced it with cannabis oil! I was now pain-free and illegally taking “drugs”.   When my body hit the rock, I saw a bright light. The light felt soothing. I saw my body below as I felt a rising sensation. This was a feeling of pure relaxation and beauty I had never witnessed before. There were no pearly gates. No Granny. No wings, nothing but bright beautiful light. Not a tunnel just light!. This continued to happen for several months and for the most part I was scared to sleep!.

My seizures returned hard and fast!. Imagine seizures when placed in traction!. The Cannabis oil soon stopped them and to this day they have not returned!. My plaster cast required changing one day as I recall.  I screamed with pain as my leg was lifted. I was still in full traction! I had not spent time in hospital save for an MRI scan to see the full extent of the damage. My screams were also due to seeing what I can only describe as Tina Turner’s head that had grown under the plastercast! I was told that there was no time for waxing! Douglas ran to my aid like a knight in shining armor to hold my hand as the plaster was being replaced. In doing so, he had taken comfort by sitting on the edge of my bed!

The bed collapsed and I landed like a heap of shit. I became tangled in the traction as I landed on the bedroom floor! I screamed and cried as everyone laughed in the room. It took what seemed like a life time for them to prop my bed up with books and traction secured in place. Those very same books remained to prop the bed up for a decade.

I am not one to use swear words but every bad word was ejected out of my mouth more than once! Doug’s words “Mary darling, you will see the funny side of this one day”. My reply not in this fxxxing life time!. Doug was amazing and cared for my every need even wiping my butt after my morning poop.  I am sure he missed a bit at times but I could not really complain! Doug’s Dad lived with us at the time and was most helpful bless his cotton socks. With 6 energetic young children we needed all the help we could get.

Then came my darkest day: Doug had to leave me for a whole day and spoke with his Dad and the children to check on me every 15 minutes before leaving for work. Doug asked at 7am if I wanted or needed anything. I was still in traction and could only move my eyes, I could only whisper due to the pain. I was still half asleep and declined his offer. He kissed my forehead tenderly before leaving. 7.30am I awoke needing to pee and my mouth was dry. I waited patiently. I could hear the chaos of the children as they abused Doug’s Dads soft nature on the floor below!

8.30am. My mouth was so dry that I could no longer move it and my bladder bursting and liable give at anytime. None came to my aid!.

9.24am/ I did pee the bed. That was fine whilst warm but it soon went cold! 11.30 am and still nobody came! Tears fell as I lost the will to live.

I heard lunch being served at 1pm, I was forgotten and alone. I had no more tears left to shed.  My face stung with my salty tears. My butt cheeks itched like you could not believe and no way of scratching or soothing the torture.  With no CBD oil the pain had become unbearable!

2pm, Doug’s Dad shouted the children to go for a long walk. Voices and clattering of excitement heard. The door closing sharply behind them. The reality hit. I was all alone!

4.23pm They returned to all pitching in for the curry evening. I prayed for my death to come!. 5.25pm Doug returned. His 1st words were “how’s Mum been today”. The children and his dad clambered up the stairs with guilt written all over their faces. I can can only say that I did not like my children that day!

I uttered the words “water”. I signaled with my eyes as Doug asked “have they been looking after you well” a yes I uttered but we all knew the truth apart from Doug. I only told him this story 2 years ago! Needless to say I drank water like a fish and was never forgotten about again!.

The time I spent in bed gave me the time needed to really study cancer! The cannabis gave me strength to sit and walk again. After a long period in a wheel chair. My children found my wheel chair great fun. They would take it for their own pleasure to play in the street below. This happened on many occasion and left me stranded unable to move.

Doug would do wheelies with me as I started to get stronger for his pleasure and amusement not mine. Long and short it was a painful experience.   Now years later I ski and can do most things. My bones were healed by a wonder lady from England with natural healing her company is essential body works with use of Rossiter.

My Ex husband and I We remained together and had wonderful times until my youngest daughter reached almost 18 years old.

I have since joined forces and learned from wonderful people. I opened a successful center to help those suffering from cancer. Studied coronary to learn about the human body/ I am now a fully fledged cancer teacher and researcher teaching other to restore their own health. Everything happens for a reason!

I will continue to dedicate all my waking hours to awaken others!. Any negative can be turned into a positive.

When asked if my cup is half full or half empty, I reply “my Cupeth runneth over”

This is my journey back from Naivety and cancer!   A special thank you to my ex husband and my family.

I have never to this day apart from one time which I will explain later  seen a “medical” Dr at all. I know my body is cancer free as I did take a private nagalase test. I felt that I had missed out on a wonderful party not attending my funeral! I had planned to be cremated as I wanted just one more chance of a hot smoking body! Humor I have always had!   Long and short I lost all faith in the so-called “professionals”. I felt that cancer came for reason and that was to learn and educate others which now I do after taking many courses. Working in Cancer centers. Researching almost 20 decades of cures and trials. I work at a holistic  restoration center.

useful link click here

Love and light


please also visit my face book page and remember to click like to receive all new up-dates




undertakerBefore cancer I lived life in a cloud
Drifting around sometimes very high
at times close to the ground.
Sometimes black and sometimes very white
Never really knowing what was my height.
Not really knowing where was the start and where would be the end
It took me so long to realise Cancer was my friend.

I needed the right peices to the puzzle to make my body complete
I wished for the keys to the door to open and to meet
The reason for my living, to stand again upon my feet.

The cancer came into my life, like a whisper in the night
I recall on the harsh reality of this terrible fright.
The answers were simple and this i now know
The cancer needed feeding in order to grow.
I starved it and beat it with all of my might
I eventually won this battle and fight.

Cancer was the rudder to my stormy seas
It opened my contious mind with all the right keys.
Cancer all gone. I am now stronger than ever
I just need to gain weight as I am light as a feather.

My personal story can be read here

This is the cancer restoration center where I work and help other recover from Cancer

Written by Amanda Mary